"Does it really matter? Why are you asking? I mean, is this something you're worried that you need to start disclosing to everybody or are you just working through what it means internally?"

Just working things through internally. We're not incredibly worried about what others think.

"Because maybe what you're going for is Monogamish, not poly (which is totally fine!)."

That sounds sort of like it. We were going with "monogamous so far" or "polycurious" but they're just shorthand for being cautious about opening up.

"impossible, throw it out the window. People will get hurt. Big hurts, medium hurts, little hurts, all sorts of hurts."

Yeah good point. Sounds like I should change my focus from preventing hurt to making sure everyone is resilient enough to cope. We're talking daily, working through these things and learning a lot about each other. I like it.

"Keep that up. Go slow. Communicate, communicate, communicate."

There's a lot of this. I should clarify that I've met Dom before. We've gotten to know each other, spent some time without any other partners just talking and hanging out. He seems like a good guy. I'm heteroflexible but he's not my type so I'm not looking for anything more from him.

"Also, you may (maybe) want to consider talking about how you'd feel about your wife doing things solo. Have you talked about that? Is it an option?"

We have talked about it and it's an open question. I told her she's a grown woman and I'm comfortable with her having sex whenever and with whomever she decides. I asked that she let me know if she's going to be out for the night. Basic courtesy so I don't worry. That was recent so we haven't talked much more about it.

"One thing that always makes me feel leery is when I see people talking ONLY about "how to proceed as a couple". You're both also individuals. And whomever you end up talking with/playing with is also an individual. Your coupledom is no more important than that individual on a grand scale. Yes, it's more important to you. But if you find yourself asking a 3rd party to make sacrifices to keep your coupledom feeling "safe", you should get out of the poly pool. If you look up "More than Two" the blog there (and the book itself), would be very useful for your learning. Because one of the most important parts of this journey with your wife will be undertaking it without leaving damaged people who were expected to contort themselves terribly for the sake of your relationship with your wife."

Thanks for the reading suggesting. My wife and I are very close. I'm not exactly up on the jargon but I guess she's my primary and vice versa. Part of why I want to work things out in detail before taking the plunge is so none of our partners have to worry about arbitrary vetoes and things like that.

Thanks for your reply. :)