Years ago I tried to get into more sophisticated literature and I noticed that many writers and philosophers wrote depressing things or seemed depressed. Then I went back to popular YA novels and they also often feature depression or suicide. I still enjoyed them, because they gave me the chance to see and understand and reflect on the topic. I cared about the characters and their stories. Living through the pain of fictional characters, feeling sad, having heartache, it made me feel alive in a strange way. In real life I don't feel that. There is no drama, no sadness, no purpose, just the pure cold sterile reality. When someone hurts themselves in a film or novel it triggers feelings, but when I do it in reality it doesn't make me feel anything. It's just some damaged tissue. Maybe that's just me. Science and technology are much less depressing.