God, just got dumped from a 7 year relationship that I wanted more than life itself. It was a beautiful relationship but my depression kinda made me somewhat directionless in life and it made her resent me too much. She had the strongest feelings for me since we were kids and through most of the relationship and I fucked it up. She told me there’s a possibility for us in the future, that deep down she wants it, and that she doesn’t want it to be over forever but there’s just too much frustration right now and it might not go away. I also have to take the fact that we did break up at face value and that it’s probably because there’s no hope. I’ve been completely dead sober for three weeks now and started a new full-time job, all things she would have loved had I done it just a little bit earlier. Either way I’m finding it extremely hard to take care of myself and I’ve lost about 20 pounds in the past few weeks, and this emotional toll has made work extremely hard to fight through. Poor sleep, poor eating, anxiety, an insane hole in my chest, a giant crushing weight of reality, and complete lack of joy in things I used to have fun with. Its fucking hard.