"So I gave it all I had"...
First love is like a brisk wind after working out. You welcome the cool, you embrace it's full-bodied feel of inter take hold of your heated skin and it's like everything is a reward. Each breath is amazing and each second is counted at it's full worth. For the first while, you're happy... Until you're not. Eventually you're just cold, and the heat dies down and you take a close look at your situation and realize you walked this far without your coat.
First love is like that, sweet and amazing one second, but then you realize that the passionate but troubled girl you fell for isn't going to have her problems saved by that initial passion. All too soon, you realize that the cold wind wasn't the situation you decided to full on face with her, but that she -is- the wind.
"But now my madness is looming"..
In for a nickel, out for a pound, you tell yourself as you decide to commit fully to the problematic relationship you find yourself in (all the while not really sure you know the meaning of the phrase or if it even fits). You sacrifice your sleep to calm her storm through the nights, you endure the abuse of her rage as you boldly champion reason and care. The storm will pass and this amazing, passionate girl will be more than the storm. There's a small seed of doubt that this will be so, but what is right is truth and truth is that you -love her-.
Your work suffers, your health dwindles, and what sleep you get becomes fitful and wrought with fear that you won't win in this fight to save her, but that's the mantle you chose. To back down now would be a disgrace to everything you believe in.
"Like a foreboding dark cloud"...
A single, sharp, bang. It leaves a ringing sensation as it was sharp and swift. Her last words were muffled, but you recognized the sounds as her poetry that she'd shared with you before. Happier days and memories of a enveloping breeze are now gone. Now you struggle to remain capable at your job while all the time checking your pockets because you -swear- you felt your phone buzzing and you swore you'd be there for her in a moment's notice.
Silence on the phone as you strain to hear anything. Breathing, her twisted self-consumed laughter, shuffling, anything... but there's nothing. Suddenly the aches and pains of the load you bore for her vanish and all i hallow. The silence grows, howling and thunderous in it's emptiness. The walls bounce with the madness as you deny, deny, deny that she pulled the trigger. Your heart stops...
And your will caves. You emit a painful cry that you thouht could never come from a human, much less yourself.
"Already consuming"...
It was not the end for you, but the period after was dark. First love should never have been like this, something so mesmerizingly intense should never have skewered you through so thoroughly. You feel as if the madness she fought was now entirely your own, but with time, patience, and help, you find one day that the storm has died down and a bit of sun breaks through the sky. The tears stop, the violent shaking at night fades to a quiver, and for the first time since the beginning of this terrible season you can breathe and feel the cool air kiss your aching muscles.