Okay, I can’t help you with the relationship one, but I CAN help you with the casual sex one.
You’re looking for compatibility. Sexual compatibility. Plus you’ll probably want someone not too hard on the eyes, and that you can have a decent conversation with in between. Most important you need someone you can TRUST — you can’t have good sex without trust. Among other things, this will require open, honest communication above all else. Finally, realize that as a woman seeking a man for casual sex, fair or not, you have the power in this situation. Many men want to fuck you and want a fulfilling FWB relationship. Recognize this. (BTW: This isn’t sexist—whomever is trying to sleep with men had it easier — men wanting to hookup with men have it easier as well).
Anyway, with that out of the way:
1) Know what you want sexually. Are you a top? Bottom? Switch? What are your kinks! What sex is hard no? What kinks are hard no’s? If you don’t know what you want sexually there’s no way a partner is going to be able to give it to you. If you’re not sure, go on some kink forums,, watch some porn, take online quizzes, figure this out. It doesn’t mean you’re going to do whatever it is the first or even the sixth time you hook up (for example, I love restraints but I generally wait six months or longer to build up trust), but if you’re re only into anal and the guy isn’t, or you’re both bottoms and just lying there, even if he’s the hottest guy in the world you’re wasting your time because the sex is going to suck.
2) Be up front that you want casual sex - consider Reddit RrR forums — a post one of these can easily bring you 70-100 responses you can comb though. This way you can be very direct before revealing a picture of yourself. Only respond to those who follow your instructions (must include pic and be in Xxx area or whatever) so you’re not wasting your time.
3) Interview then about sex upfront. Before you share your pic. Tell the truth and let them know you want to make sure you both are sexually compatible. You can chat about other things too to get an idea of speech patterns, do they respect when you say no or do they push, etc. And who cares if some drop off if you won’t give pic right away — you have many, many others.
3) Meet Best Prospects ASAP — but not for sex: This is why I’m not meeting anyone new right now but chatting is a waste of time online EXCEPT to establish baseline compatibility. Once you’ve found out his sexual preferences/kinks match what you want, and you’ve sent a face and (dressed) body picture, then try to go for coffee ASAP. This coffee date will tell you so much -/ does he look like picture? Well groomed? Have chemistry? Come off as a liar or douchebag? You could do another meet later but this will rule out 50 percent, on your side or theirs. Make it clear NOTHING will happen on this date beforehand so there’s no pressure.
4) Get the Panel — so now you have a sexually compatible guy you met in person and are both attracted to each other. Don’t fuck until you both have a recent STD panel in hand. This is not only to protect your health but also married men often won’t get this done because they’re worried wife will see bill/don’t want to be seen walking into planned parenthood. And make it clear upfront you’re insisting on condoms, too. If they walk, cool — why would you want to sleep with someone who doesn’t want to protect their or your sexual health?
This method is far from foolproof. But it’s worked really well for me. I think the main takeaway is when looking for casual sex know what you want, know your worth and don’t compromise. It takes effort but it’s completely worth it.