It all started zillions of years ago, on the octopus planet. Our souls used to inhabit the octoups people on the octopus planet and they also had holes in their faces so one octopus man could talk to his octopus friend.

"Bloop", one octopus would often say to the other. "Blurp" would be the standard reply. The octopus people spent many a happy day blooping and blurping at each other whilst excreting a salty black paste from their bodies, which was a standard biological function of the octopus people on the octopus planet. Oh, what fun it was!

It has been hundreds of years since that golden age and we're on Earth now and live in a country called Australia! Somehow the memories of that ancient time have become shipwrecked high and dry into our brains like some sort of a mesmerizing nostalgic crap!

I once met a wise looking bogan late at night on the last train to Caboolture. I told him this story and he twinkled in his eyes and had a long faraway variety of look on his kisser, and suddenly we were transported to that primordial alien ocean we totally originally came from! I cry manly tears just thinking of the thick schmaltz in the air you could scrape with a butter knife and deposit on toast.

Those with eyes to see will read my tale and be able to deduce the intergalactic origins of Vegemite.