Well, I guess we did explore it, because I eventually thought of some. Absurd triggers like if my partner got a new job I would (silently, not sulkily or passive aggressively) worry that they might meet the woman of their dreams there. They might have thought I was, but they'll work with someone and fall in love. Or if they decide to go back to school, or if they take up a new hobby, the list is endless and it has nothing to do with the man, it has to do with my insecurities that I need to work through. Adding the fear of a man he might fall in love with at a new job, hobby, classes, whatever, would not help me make progress on this issue if I have double the fear.

And as I said somewhere in this exchange, this is the result of abuse. It's the result of "you're not good enough" "I will always have other partners because you're not good enough, and I've never needed other partners before" "I deserve to have other partners because they're better than you" and I listened to that and stayed in that for waaaaaaaay longer than I should have, but when someone breaks you down, sometimes you get this warped sense of "if only I could get their love and respect back, THEN I could leave as a whole person, if I leave now, I'll forever be broken" It's messed up, yes.

So as you can see, I'd have that issue in a heterosexual relationship too. A relationship with a bisexual man is just twice the insecurity, with the added insecurity of not being enough for lack of not being a man, should he crave, even if he doesn't act on it.

I never meant to spell out exactly how damaged I was. I joined this sub because I thought I might be ready to date in a year or two. I haven't dated for years since my last relationship because I was just too damaged, and I needed to work on other aspects of my life. So I'm just interloping here because clearly, I am not partner material. But when I am, I don't think I'll ever fully exorcise some of the issues, they'll just lessen to a manageable degree. But I'll never be in a healthy and secure enough mindset to be able to take on the worry about a boyfriend potentially finding their one true love out of the whole population, not just the female population.

There are people out there with a healthier attitude. There are people with such a healthy attitude that poly relationships aren't intimidating or threatening to them, as they realize that one person can't fulfill another person's entire needs, and one person can't fulfill theirs. I read an article about a guy who was quarantining with his girlfriend and her live-in boyfriend. (they weren't a thruple or anything) and thought cool, good for them, that's security. But that's not for me because I want to be everything someone needs in a relationship, but I think it's cool that it works for them. Same as a hetero person dating a bisexual person, I think it's awesome for them, and I'd love to be the kind of person without insecurities and hangups, but this is me, and double the worry doesn't work for me. (and to reiterate, the worry/insecurity/fear is in my head, so there's little anyone could to do reassure me that the worst case scenario won't happen - in a relationship with a hetero or bi man. I need to work on me)