I get why you emphasised virgin. I think we've always felt abnormal about not being able to communicate our pain to others. I have these excellent walls built up around me and I'm tired of being hurt by life and sometimes, others. Now suddenly we're older and we've never been in a relationship because along the way we forgot how to take care of ourselves. Instead we internalise and keep the sadness and anger to ourselves until we're just feeling ugly and broken. In my case, I'm at a point where I don't understand how people can live in this world. It seems twisted to live in a bubble of happiness when shit is just ugly all over the world.

Except you're lucky because right now I'm not angry and sad. I'm not hating everyone and cussing them out to make them go away. I'm quietening my pain the only way I know how that's not an addiction or obsessive behaviour. Five minutes ago, the shock of a bag of frozen veg on my chest was enough to make me focus on that one thing for a second. It's temporary but I don't feel as bad as I did before. I'm just tired now. Tired of fighting emotions I can't identify.

For now I'm just breathing in and out and reading r/suicidewatch toto remind myself it's okay to feel the way I do because others like you feel the same way too. By the way, I'm a thirty year old virgin lesbian. I've got three years on ya and a smaller dating pool, but I'm hanging on. Hang on a little longer if you can. Take a few seconds and find something from your freezer to shock yourself back a bit. If you need to talk, PM at any time.