Oh man. I feel you. I used to be a very sexual person. Looking back at the timeline of our relationship and how it has affected where we are now, I often beat myself up about what I should have done differently. Like if I had just nipped some things in the bud we'd be in a different place. Early on, my HL partner was very sexually demanding/selfish. I loved him and wanted to please him but over time it wears on you. You can only perform a sex act on request that you've told your partner either does nothing for you or actively makes you uncomfortable so many times before you start to resent them for continuing to ask. Then there's the weight gain. He's gotten very large and it's really unattractive. He's upset that I don't desire him, but he's made himself very undesirable. It's affected his penis too, making sex awkward and not very pleasurable. We've talked about all of these things. Generally he initiates the conversations. I try to be as honest as possible while staying kind, but the nature of our issues makes it really hard for me to bring up what's bothering me. There isn't a nice way to tell someone that they've gotten so fat their body is a turn off and it has shrunk their penis making penetration almost impossible to feel. You also can't then pile onto that and tell them their technique is also problematic. It's a sad stand-off. He feels that I resent his advances. And I do. And all at once I feel justified for that resentment because I've told him what I like and what I need and he's unwilling to step outside of his comfort zone to provide it (whether sexually or by just going to the gym and eating less) as well as hating myself for being that nagging, cold wife. When he makes advances I try to say yes because I don't want him to cheat and I don't want to subject him to a sexless marriage. But he can tell I'm not into it and it upsets him. He's right, but every time he asks and I oblige despite his refusal to change literally anything and he then is disappointed that I wasn't more passionate, the feeling that he's a demanding, petulant, spoiled child grows and it feeds the cycle. Sexual pleasure, for me, has been on such a consistent downward trajectory through our relationship, that my body's response has been to pretty much shut down wanting sex altogether. I went from being someone who couldn't get enough to being someone so disinterested in it that even sex scenes on television frustrate and bore me. I want the passion back. But I'm doing everything I can just to hold the relationship together by faking not hating sex every time we do it. I just wish he'd be willing to put the same amount of effort in. And I really hope that the damage isn't so great that if and when he does, we can still heal. I don't have any advice. I'm just sorry. I know what it's like to have your sexual identity completely reversed out of self preservation. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.