i can't tell you what your mom is trying to do or what she is thinking... but i can tell you that i'm going through something vaguely similar. my [probably N] stepmom abused me from age 8-18, at which point i went NC with her.

a few years ago her golden child son went missing, and she started trying to patch things up with me. i THINK that's what's going on, anyway, it's not like she has the self awareness to even recognize what she's doing let alone communicate it to me.

anyway i made it clear to her that unless she was willing to sit down and talk about the abuse, its impact on me, and give a sincere apology and be willing to put real effort into making amends... we will continue NC.

since then, she has sent unwanted gifts, tried to contact me through my dad, sent FB messages, texted me... the entire time as though the years of abuse and years of NC never happened. i stupidly kept hoping that she would come around, offer to talk about the abuse, about what happened, about how sorry she is and how she wants a relationship with me. nope. all she cares about is her own agenda.

and yeah. thats what makes me sick. every time i get a gift or a text from her it pulls up those old, terrible, icky, festering wounds, that sense that my feelings don't matter, that i'm not even a person to her. i know that she expects me to just shove everything back down, to put a smile on my face and make small talk with her because that's what SHE wants.

i wish i could better explain in words the pain i feel when she "reaches out" to me like nothing ever happened between us, like we have a good relationship and always have. it's soul-crushing. it feels like i am erasing myself as a person every time i am nice to her.

i just went back to NC.

this got long, i'm sorry, it stirred up a lot for me. but please trust your instincts. protect yourself, at all costs. you are valuable and important and worth protecting.