Well, unfortunately I don't have the words to describe it. All I can really say is it's weird.

Before I got pregnant I never understood why people said pregnancy and childbirth is a miracle. I thought it was cool and all, but babies are conceived and born everyday, how's that a miracle, it's just biology, right? But now I feel differently. My body had grown a whole new person! My son will be someone with his own thoughts, and ideas, and I grew him!

Being pregnant is also not completely comfortable. I've had a fairly easy time of it but in any other circumstances I'd be pissed. Heartburn from hell, constipation, and baby brain (it's very real) are all pretty inconvenient. Today is my due date and let's just say I won't be running any marathons or jumping for any reason at all. It just gets harder to move around.

Emotionally I feel about the same as always, though I do cry a bit easier than usual (definitely not a crier at all to begin). The biggest thing is the anxiety. I mean I have a lot of mixed feelings about this baby, it's not a good time in my life. But if I don't feel him move for a while? You bet your ass I'm poking and proding and shaking my belly to wake him up so he'll give me a few kicks, praying to a god I'm not sure I believe in that he's okay. Even if it's in the ribs, or his favorite, digging into what I assume is my liver with some bony joint. I'm terrified something will happen in birth, or that I will be a bad mom, or that he will have some kind of health problem. What about breastfeeding, I mean they say it's hard, will my milk come in? Will he have a tongue tie or something?

I got over the idea of sharing my body with him a long time ago and now it's hard to imagine it in the same way. It's odd to feel like your body isn't truly your own, but eventually that gave way to something else. To want to do everything I could to make sure my baby was healthy, to see myself as not just my own person, but also a vessel for a new human life.