Suzie wasn't there that day. She had never missed a class and her dedicated following was noticeably disappointed. The Yoga Moms (loosely descended from the Soccer Moms of years passed) huddled around their mats, muttering their displeasure about the Man Bun that was preparing at the front.
"I will be filling in for Suzie today. My name is Larsz." He drew out the 'sz' (sincerely do not know which it was) in an eerily seductive way. Quite over the top IMHO.
"I know I cannot live up to Suzie, but I hope we can enjoy our time here together." Substitute teachers have it rough everywhere and I thought that was pretty smooth.
"Normally, we take use our practice as a time to let go of our daily troubles. Leave your worries at the door, we say, and forget yourself as you approach serenity." He had the calming nirvana-induced drawl that is a trademark of Yogis everywhere, but it was somehow...firmer.
"Today, we will try the opposite. Pick something, anything, that upset you. Go back to the moment, keep it with you as we indulge ourselves." There was an air of discomfort throughout the room as sideways glances were exchanged. Every instructor had their own little scripts, but I'm sure no one had heard something like this before.
Larsz started the music and began to instruct us through the familiar forms: upward, downward, chattarunga. The progression was similar and the class was flowing. Larsz talked us through our trance-like exercise, always reminding and encouraging us to embrace our emotions. It was comforting. The music was darker than usual, and more 'raw'.
"Walk through that moment." he said, "Think of how it made you feel, how it angered you. We cannot deny these emotions, we must let them take control." He made his rounds, quietly whispering to each of us as he guided the class to the closing movements.
As he passed me by he said, "I can sense great fear in you. Good. Let it out, it will make you strong."
He turned on the lights, went to the front to give a silent nod and left without a word. He left us to digest. There was an air of satisfaction, and almost shame, as every quickly packed up to leave. No one wanted to be scolded for the joy they had felt. I did not feel shameful, though, only empowered.
I left and didn't give Larsz or the class a second thought. Until my next class with Suzie.
It was business as usual for the first while. The same people who had betrayed Suzie during our time with Larsz now scurried back to her. Back to the safety of their "enlightenment". The contempt washed over me. I ignored Suzie's calming prompts and brooded on the car that had cut me off earlier in the day. The anger fueled me deeper into each position. I had never felt so in control, as if every fibre of my muscles had unlocked a hidden strength.
We progressed to the headstand sequence, something I had never been able to do. I didn't think twice as I rose up from Crow. It wasn't enough. italics Fix the car.italics I was fully extended. italicsPay the billsitalics I pushed off my head. italicsWait your turnitalics I could not have gone higher. italicsAlways smile, give back to the world, eat right, voteitalics I felt my legs move on their own accord and I could not imagine what position they were in.
"NO!" A shrill cry cut through the calm of the room, but I did not move. I was startled when I felt a body crash into my side and I tumbled to the floor in a heap with whatever had struck me.
I blinked back into reality. The room seemed a haze and it took awhile for Suzie to come into focus. She was kneeling in front of me with a shocked look on her face. The rest of the class had stopped to stare at this face-off.
"Why are you holding me back?" I snapped at her.
"You don't know what you're doing. You don't understand!"
"He's greater than you will ever be."
"italicsHEitalics" It took her aback. She stumbled backwards. "There are always two..." She gazed into the air, speaking to no one. She hurried out of the room.
I packed up slowly. Everyone had left when I heard his voice.
"I think you are ready." Larsz stood at the entrance holding two yoga mats bound up into compact cylinders. He tossed me one.
"Come, we have a long way to go."