I don't think phoning it in gives it the respect it deserves

I think that would be a ridiculous thing to do, and demonstrate her as a superficial and shallow person, and would feel hurt that she could be so vaccuos.

The problem is that I just do not see what the big deal is with sex. People seem so caught up in it.

How can this shallow vacuous thing that is not a big deal actually deserve respect enough not to be faked on your end? Can you at least be honest with yourself? Which is it? Unimportant, ridiculous and shallow or deserving of respect and a reason to feel betrayed if she got it elsewhere? Can you really have it both ways and continue to pretend not to see it?

And isn't it a bigger betrayal to marry your wife and treat her like a best friend, when she's prevented from having a real husband who loves her as a woman? Are you unable to see how you friendzoned your wife? Why do you even want to have a wife? Why do you want to have a friend that you pretend to love romantically and sexually, when in fact she's just a friend to you? Is it just to put up a show in front of society "look at me, I have a wife and family" when in fact you have a glorified friend and a roommate? Why is simply having a good friendship not good enough for you? Why do you insist on pretending that your friendship is anything more than that, why on earth would you want to stick to the husband/wife label when in fact you treat the relationship as just a friendship? And do you think it's fair to your wife to not want her as a woman but insist on having her as a wife while she's stuck getting the "best friend" treatment?

Questions, so many questions...