You're an idiot.

No, seriously, I don't care if I'll get banned, I have to say this as blatantly as I can. You are an idiot. Just be as emotionally vulnerable as you want to be. Be yourself, quit hiding who and what you are. Find someone who accepts you for being YOU and not for their unrealistic ideal of how a man should be like.

What you are doing is going to mentally break you one day, maybe lead you to want to commit suicide. The fact that you are repressing your emotions to get to be with your current girl is pathetic.

You clearly don't truly love her if you're not being yourself around her. True sign of love and respect is to be your unadultered self.

So, once again, you're an idiot. Have fun regretting this severely later in your life, moron.