I'm sorry that you are going through this. It's not your fault. Did you ever get justice for your sexual assaults ? Were the perpetrators put in jail or charged ?

After reading your story I googled and found these stories (it's not exactly your situation but it is the same dynamic of mothers having rape impact their parenting and ability to parent their child). It's sad to think of the mother who was having flashbacks to her rapist and seeing him while giving birth and the other mother who after having flashbacks couldn't bond with/look at her child for the first day. That's horrible when you think about it, how rape is dividing mothers from their babies/children. So you are not alone. There are a lot of other mothers in your situation. Sexism does not make parenting easier. You are trying to do the best you can in a bad situation and working under oppression.

If not of course you feel unsafe and triggered. You're still in danger, that you're a low status person in society (i.e. a woman) and you learned that people will be just freely allowed to sexually assault you and get away with it. You learned that your lot in life is also to be on edge and to fear sexual assault. Now you have to parent in this state of terror and yes it makes it harder.

Yes rape and sexual assault does affect mothers' ability to parent. It does detract from the child's quality of life. And your child is suffering now because of what was done to you, the fact that you never got justice and the terror and oppression you were placed in.

Rape is not good for child rearing. Also it's now even just babies and children that it affect. Probably your poor child had to feel you being triggered and flashing back and the pain of your rapes even before they were born. I think that's intolerable for them. Your child might even have some sense of everything that happened to you. I would not wish this on any child or person. Man men probably suffered the pain of their mothers' rapes as unborn children. And probably also in infancy like your daughter is paying the price, they probably paid the price as babies too with a pained/distracted mother who could not properly attend to their cries. And rape still continues so now more mothers will be at least partially incapacitated like you are and sadly their sons and daughters will pay the price. They will feel all their mothers' rapes before they are even born. Probably when the unborn child is bouncing around and frolicking inside their mother the mother will feel body memories and be triggered. Then she will feel flashbacks to the torture of her rapes and the child will feel the torture of her rapes too. It's immoral and unethical to put an innocent child through that.

When women are broken and crushed they are less able to fight for their children or advocate for their children. The children DO suffer. It doesn't mean you are a bad mother, it's what was done to you and the oppression you are under and parenting under.

I don't know why more men/fathers don't do something about rape and the lack of justice for rape victims when it will be their children that will have to pay the cost of the mother being in pain or incapacitated and oppressed. Their child will lose out and miss out. An oppressed mother won't ever be able to take care of her child the way she would be if she was not under oppression. Sorry to be blunt but your kid will and is paying the price for your sexual assaults and what men did to you. It's not your fault. It's not your failing. Society needs to change so that children don't have to pay the price.