I anticipate the downvotes already, I truely don't care. If your kid is that far gone, he isn't worth it.

as somebody who has pretty serious neurological issues myself (and who knows his parents had to deal with many of the issues you're describing with your child throughout his own childhood) trust me, his disability hurts him far more than it will ever hurt you and you're never going to reap any reward for all of your effort. While none of us would choose to be like this if we could help it and most of us eventually attempt to commit suicide because we want to ease the burden on those who we love, there is nothing in this world worse than hurting the people you love and knowing there is nothing you can do short of death to stop the suffering.

Most of us neurodivergents hate ourselves. We hate that we are who we are and we hate that well-meaning people like you don't just act selfishly and do what you really want to do: make us dissappear.

IMO, the absolute best thing you could do for him is be honest. If you don't like taking care of him, don't. Honestly, just fucking don't. You're not a martyr and you're not a saint. Don't convince yourself that it will ever be worth it. B/c it won't. Shove him into a home and adopt a kid without neurological disabilities and live your life with your husband in the way you want to live it.

TLDR: Prolonging your own suffering is the worst possible thing you could do for your kid.