Yes. We can fool around and feel the chemistry, fire passion and desire; however, I don’t want to have sex with a man to see if we are compatible as he continues to have sex with random people. Either be in to me and really exploring what we do physically or choose to chase sparks everywhere. We are mid 40’s, I don’t want to have sex without having feelings beyond physical attraction. If you are still chasing sparks elsewhere, you are not ready to have sex with me. This is a base primal level feeling that you want to have sex but don’t want any ties and and, to me, it feels emotionally limited and not satisfying. It is emotional unavailability and a player energy approach and some women see that and will ignore it for sake of dating, yet the woman is blamed when she wants to take it slow because she can see the timing it is not there yet. Some women want to wait until you have a connection worth building on before you do very personal intimate things to each other. You are a stranger from the internet. I don’t want to have crazy and intense sex and building something and you have 3 more third dates this week. It feels young to me because it is an intentional emotionally limited approach. It’s not going to actually be a glimpse of what sex life with me is like, it’s going to be an example of what sex with no feelings is like.

To me, unless your gut, heart and head are aligned, let’s not have sex because it is fine that you are not ready. That means that you are not entitled to just try me out. No.

I realize this is a minority opinion, yet for me, you can’t approach emotional sexual energy with a completely logical thought-based centered on your own needs approach. That feels like throwing a bag over your heart and eyes and mind and telling me I can’t access that energy because you are blocking your heart and soul from me because you are not ready… as you try to put yourself inside me. That doesn’t feel good and makes people anxious and confused. It is a very mixed message that is very common on OLD and leads to heart break. This recovering and licking your wounds from divorce and want to try all the things you missed out on is understandable, so do that. Let’s keep it in logic and not get in to feelings. I am happy to date and rub my body against others to see what feels right. Yet as far as full intercourse, you are either ready for me for true physical union or you are not. For me, if you want only want physical fun and release, look for women willing to do that or pay someone. Sex is a sacred exchange to me. If you want to remain available to the community, that is great and I don’t care because I’m not sexually involved with you. If I have been vulnerable to allow you to really touch me… that is totally different. Therefore, tell me you are not ready and still seeing other people. We can continue to date and have physical affection, but please don’t act surprised or like we are strange or damaged or not furthering the relationship because we don’t want escalation to sex when you are clearly stating above that you are overwhelmed and in your head and have a drive to try out more and you are having anxious feelings about truly connecting with just one because you might miss out because that is what happened in the past and it didn’t work out for you. That feels like a wounded person and is player energy. Period. Women may realize that, even when you don’t. It sounds like you are not ready for any of that and really want to date and have fun with several people. You are ready for casual. Most of us did the fun not caring about anything when we were younger and for many, it is not where we are at now. It feels high school to me. We are not in our 20’s anymore.

Also, something not discussed often is discretion. If a woman thinks she is developing something with you and some other women are sexually involved with you too… this sounds messy to me and potentially publicly embarrassing and/or dangerous and is not a look that I want to be associated with. The social cost is not worth it to be mid-40’s and having sex with someone who is fucking around town.

You don’t have to agree, however I took time to try to explain why some women may say things that don’t seem logical to many posters here who post about wondering expectations and timelines and how they don’t know if there is compatibility. You know what someone is like and if you have fire and want to take it there. You don’t need to marry them, but not wanting people dipping in to other people is not illogical when there are so many physical, sexual, and social-emotional costs. It seems bare minimum expectation to me.