It fucking sucks. Grabbing my phone and going through my messages, making me delete my old male friends (some I only knew in elementary school), calling me a whore, stupid, dumbass or a slut and justified it by saying I deserved it for the way I acted or responded. There were a few instances that stood out but two really struck a cord with me. The first was him threatening to dance with another girl if I didn't give him enough attention when we went out with my friends and him messaging his ex because I did not give him enough attention. Throughout the relationship I was happy but I felt constricted. I always had to tip toe around him and was always afraid he would somehow find something on my phone he didn't like. I withdrew from my friends since he always "joked" that I was off acting slutty or demanded pictures that to prove I was with them and them alone. Eventually, I just felt a bit drained and bitter of how I was becoming treated. Eventually time passed and he ended things. But twice I went back and every time it turned to the same thing. I now know how to treat people better and I know how to speak up for myself now. And when we were not talking at all, it felt so nice and free to be able to talk freely and not having to be subconsciously aware of what I said to my friends and being able to do the things I wanted to do without having someone hound on me. Recently we did try to reconnect but unfortunately, it turned to the same cycle, with him demanding I delete this person or show them my message list and if I asked for him to do the same out of curiosity, he refused to see how his actions affected me and decided to hide everything from me.

All in all. It hurts badly. And I'm still hurting over everything still.