3. Good Guy Janitor saved me from a really shitty situation

Good Guy Janitor saved me from a really shitty situation

I have a bit of a protocol I follow when I'm out for a midday shit:

1) Walking in and determining which stall to use: Right off the bat you're making a critical decision. Statistically, larger men's restrooms have three stalls or more. You want to choose the stall farthest from the urinals. You have to plan ahead for the fact that someone might be a poor pisser, or someone will let you little fuck face in by himself, and he straight pisses on everything except the urinal. Also, be prepared to have a backup stall just in case.

2) Entering your throne of choice: Recently I had the pleasure of having a gentleman open the door while I was taking a shit. I could only muster a "Pffff-RRRR (High pitched from surprised encounter) Come on man really? RRrrttt It was clearly locked, however the bolt as just a hair too short, and any kind of applied force would open the door. This has now become priority number one when entering a stall. Give the handle a fierce tug to see if the door opens, if it does, move to your back up stall. If the door checks out, move on to step number three.

3) Survey the toilet seat and floor area: There is always a chance there might be a droplet or two of piss on the seat, that's just a fact of life. Also you want to avoid getting piss on your pants, so make sure that there isn't a heavy puddle of bodily fluids in or around the front of the toilet. Also, heading into step number four, you're going to want to wipe the inside lip of the toilet seat. Who here has been surprised by a ring of piss on your thighs and cheeks? Never forget.

4) Check for toilet paper. Seems kind of obvious, it might be the first step for some, but due to a tragic invasion of my privacy and surprised trumpet shart, it's been bumped down the list a bit. You're going to want to get a good handful and spit shine that toilet seat down a bit before sitting. Then apply a toilet seat if available. (By the fucking way, I might be the only person on Earth to ask, but am I using a toilet seat incorrectly? Does the tab go in the back of the seat or the front? No matter what I do, the paper gets stuck to my ass like I've been paper macheing a planet in 3rd grade art class. Does anyone else have this problem?).

5) Shit.

/r/AdviceAnimals Thread Link - i.imgur.com
Previous
Next

Recently removed from /r/AdviceAnimals

Its been tough but hey we're getting through it All while I’ve had to singlehandedly watch and take care of 2 less than 2 year olds Dad became an insufferable, negative, miserable pile of shit when my mom died in 2016. It’s not cheating It's a misunderstood spice Yay! In fact, it was quite the contrary... The real reason where's the lie? OPEC cut oil production by 2 millions barrels PER DAY for no reason other than to cause economic harm to the West Real talk at work And there it is, folks I don't care how well behaved you SAY they are, I should be able to walk through my neighborhood in peace "But what would the founding fathers want?!" A season has less than 10 episodes now

More Random Comments

These kids from daycare saying their last goodbyes before going to separate elementary schools. Reddit is actually a lot more enjoyable when you only browse for a few minutes a day instead of constantly scrolling and refreshing for hours. Try it out! Colorado Baker Sues Over Cake Dispute With Transgender Woman What are some good Sub-Reddits that are completely useful and not like the typical stuff we keep seeing on the mainstream Reddit posts? Wanted to get some thoughts off my chest (long). Can we stop for a bit and appreciate how they made gold overall strong and legendarys buildaround in this mini-expansion? Why do you drive that thing? I don't think I can do this anymore, but working in the industry is all I have ever known. Have you, or anyone you know, been able to change careers after working in Film? How do you guys feel about Orthodox outreach to Catholics in light of the recent Pennsylvania report controversy? Racists are the dumbest people on the planet. [Group Critique] Get a quick critique of your world! Questioning Sikh practices. Change my mind Help with Stroke - Hobbit Font The new DOOM game promotes xenophobia. Looking to change from retail sales management to B2B and SaaS sales and can use some help.