I don't know how to overcome my first closeted homosexual unrequited love. Normally overcoming unrequited love with the opposite sex is difficult enough, however, this is much harder for others to empathize. I've met this guy a year and a half ago, we are in different life stages (he is still a student, I've graduated college 2-3 years ago). Him and I met volunteering for some church event, we hit it off super well, quickly became attached and bestfriends. We hung out almost every day, spent a ton of time together. His family pretty much welcomed me as their own. I've slept over a bunch of times. We've camped, hiked, cooked, played games, and did pretty much everything together. I had a feeling he was special to me and curious of we could potentially be more than friends. Over time, people have become suspicious of our relationship. A few months ago he asked if I liked him more than just a friend. I lied (which i never do) and dramatically said "No! Ew". I followed up with, "hypothetically", even if i did, what would happen. He said we would stop seeing each other as much and would set up boundaries because he saw me as a brother, a really close friends, but nothing romantic and whatever. I felt shameful for hiding this part of my life. I wanted him to know so badly, but I cant handle the possible fallout, the personal repercussions to my reputation, my identity, my dreadful end of our booming relationship. I've took aggressive steps in trying to not feel for him. I've started to hate myself, I've started to just lose interest in a ton of things, I've hurt myself so badly because of this. Became even more depressed, so much my doctor increased my dosage of Zoloft. I've purposely stop seeing him as much to weed out my feelings. But yesterday, I missed him so much, I contacted him to see if he wanted to hangout, his tone sounds like I was interrupting and bothering him, said he was studying and cant hangout (even though I saw on snapchat he was hanging out with another friend), the conversation was short (like 2 minutes). I felt like I've lost him. I already destroyed my relationship. I am sad he doesn't miss me. I don't know what to do or how to handle this. I cant love the things I love anymore because I shared everything with him. Everything reminds me of him. I just want these feelings to stop.