Even though it was traumatizing, maybe a part of you enjoyed being raped at the time. Sex still stimulates pleasure whether it was rape or consensual. It is also not uncommon for people to fantasize about being raped or dominated.

There are stories of how rape victims become rapists themselves later in life. This happens because the rapist took their power away and then the victim thinks that raping someone will give them back their power.

The fact that you're aware of all these feelings, means you're not a bad person and unlikely to ever harm anyone. It's fine to have these feelings, you've been emotionally messed up and your brain is trying to cope with it in various ways. Just observe your thoughts and let them pass like clouds.